Depression

I am happy, am I not?
I have love, good life and more,,
I have everything, have I not?
Then what are these tears for?

My own poem.  I wrote this feeling depressed. I get depressed every now and then.  Maybe because I don't have a life and feeling depress is a way for me to feel alive.  Weird isn't it?, but I actually feel alive when depressed.  I don't feel suicidal whenever I'm so down, I feel doing crazy things though.  When I'm happy that's the moment I'm the most cowardly.  I don't want anything to change, I just want the time to stand still.  But when I'm depressed oh I like the world to bring it all on me. I want the world to shake me, break me and make me feel all the emotions a human heart can feel.  

Fairytale love

Ah, love! Could thou and I with fate conspire,
To grasp this sorry scheme of things entire!
Would not we shatter it to bits-and then
Re-mould it nearer to the hearts desire!
---omar khayyam

I love this poem. It expresses sadness being in this world. The sadness of being in reality far from my dream world.  And right now the one I feel sad the most is the reality of love between men and women.  The reality that men never love the way women does or women expect. The ultimate love where he never looks at any other woman. Where I'm the only thing that matters to him. Where he would give his life in a heart beat for me. Coz that's the way I love. It's so disappointing to see husbands or lovers cheating on their love ones. Or even just looking and desiring another woman. It makes me feel so alone, more alone than I ever was. You thought you found your other half. The one who would love you more than anyone. The one who would know you more than anyone. The other half of yourself. And then it turns out your other self is desiring another one. The most painful form of betrayal.  I feel so unloved, alone and most insignificant that the one who know me most would be desiring somebody else.

WHO CLEFT THE DEVIL'S FOOT?

Go and catch a falling star,
Get with child a mandrake root,
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the devil's foot,

---John Donne 

I love repeating this stanza, it gives me inspiration to do adventurous things, impossible things, amazing things.  To me it makes things seems possible if you only dare to do it.  "Tell me where all past years are,  Or who cleft the devil's foot."  In our old age we will be asking this question to ourselves.  where all past years are? Did I dare to cleft the devil's foot?  But I wonder, is it important to dare to do great things once in your life?  What if you're just content of your simple boring life?  What if you're just content to dream of great things?  Because you're scared it might not be as great as you think it would be once you've achieved it.  Is that person a loser? Because he/she didn't achieved anything?  I know lots of people consider me a loser.  I have never achieved anything but I am happy and content of what I have and who I am.  Why strive to be something accomplished when it would just robbed you of enjoying your day?  You get so busy you don't even have time for yourself.  I think "cleft the devil's foot" that I'm dreaming for is heroism.  That is my dream.  To do something good for the mankind.  I think that's the most meaningful life, to be able to help someone in your life.  Just like the poem of Emily Dickinson;

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.


I think that's the most accomplished life,,being able to help someone.  Your life have been of value because of your usefulness.  I think that's our purpose in life,,to help one another and if you fail to help someone in your lifetime then your life is meaningless.  You are of no value at all.

INTRODUCTION

This is my first blog so I am very nervous typing right now.  I never thought I would make a blog someday as my view towards making blogs are only for people who has lots of knowledge or has lots of opinion on everything or anything.  I am not that type of a person.  I am not sure on my opinions as I doubt there is correct one.  That's why I love poetry as there can never be a wrong opinion when it comes to poetry,,everyone's opinion is right.  And then I'm also scared on writing a blog because I'm scared to be laugh at about my grammar or spelling.  And that's another thing I love about poetry,,,spelling and grammar are not important as long as you express your feelings,,it doesn't matter if it rhymes or not as long as it sounds beautiful,,romantic, meaningful, full of emotion.
So today I'll be starting to express my thoughts on some favorite poems of mine and i'll also include some of the poetry i made and the story behind those poems.  feel free to express your thoughts or interpretations of the poems I will be posting on my blog.

Fist poem I will be discussing is my all time favorite poem, I call this "Nether Cup" though i don't really know the title of this poem. I just saw this in Taylor Caldwell book The Earth is the Lord's.  I don't know if it's Taylor's original poem or she just quote it from some Persian poet.

NETHER CUP

Taylor Caldwell

“And unto me a radiant angel came,

With wings of light within a silver rain;

And in his hands as shining as the moon,

He held the brimming wine of goblets twain.

In tones like sweetest flute he gently spake:

‘Of these two goblets thou a choice must make;

And never more, though endless suns will roll,

Canst thou recant, and of it’s mate partake.

In this bright cup, I hold within this hand,

Is joy eternal, in a crystal land;

where love and life, like two immortal  flames,

Burn high together in a single brand.

Thyself shalt live, where mirth alone abides,

Untouched, unchanged, while all the tides

of change and ruin and death turn earth to dust,

And lonely in the heavens the dark sun rides.

But in this nether cup is only peace,

And only darkness and the pale release

that follows on the grave.  Here is no pain,

But endless silence when thy heart doth cease.

No joy is here, no ecstasy sublime,

No sweet awareness of a scented clime.

No love, no laughter, only marble eyes

And marble lips forever mute in time.’

And troubled did I raise my glances up,

And said unto the angel ‘I shall sup

Without regret, but with a weary sigh,

Of that pale wine within the nether cup.’”

I really love how the poem just seem to flows beautifully.  Every line, every word fits perfectly.  It's my dream to be able to compose a poem like this. And I love how the poet beautifully describe the world you will get when you choose the bright cup. It's everything one wants and yet the nether cup sounds more appealing when the poet describes what's in it.    I haven't experienced lots of painful experiences but strangely I can relate to the feelings of that person who choose the nether cup.  To those who feels intensely, even happiness is tiresome and you just want peace.  I'm a happy person, humorous and no big problems in life yet I can feel what that person's feeling  in choosing the nether cup.  I wonder what are the experiences of people who feels like this?  What drives them to keep on living?  Lots of people just easily commit suicide nowadays whenever they don't like where their lives are heading to but some just carry on and make a beautiful poetry, songs or any other art. Kudos to those people,, your work are my solace and retreat from this ugly world.